Stuff that works, stuff that doesn't

We went to the big blue box store the other night for a few things... whenever you move into a new place (new to us, anyway) there are always a bazillion things you need from the big blue or orange boxes. The shower in the master bath was draining very slowly. So slowly that by the end of my shower I was standing in water midway up to my shins. We picked up a bottle of some really nasty stuff whose brand name implies that instead of paying some guy $75/hour to unclog your drain, you can essentially get this highly-paid guy in a bottle, pour him down the slow drain, and watch as the problem disappears virtually in front of your eyes (at least, that's what the commercials have led me to believe).

Next to the bottles of nasty stuff was another product called "ZIP-IT." This wasn't a bottle of nasty stuff, rather a narrow piece of plastic about two feet long, with little sharp fins all along the length. Since I have tree-hugging tendencies, I bought that too: it was only a few dollars, figured it was worth a shot to get something that could unclog a drain that was easy to use and not a nasty chemical.

Like a dufus, I tried the chemical first. I didn't really believe the plastic would work too well, and I was influenced by all those tv commercials that show the clog disappearing as the chemicals work their magic. The instructions said to pour it down the drain, wait an hour, then flush with hot water. Well, I did that, and imagine my disappointment when I turned on the hot water and the tub began to fill with a nice combination of hot water and chemical. I let it drain and tried again. Same issue. Now not only did I have an extremely slow-draining shower, but it was rendered unusable because I am reluctant to stand in ankle-deep drain cleaner, even if it is watered down. Oh well, what should I expect from a company who can't spell "plumber" correctly?

After letting the tub drain again, I tried the ZIP-IT. After the first pull, it became obvious to me that the previous inhabitant of this house was a Wookie. A Wookie with alopecia areata. Perhaps even a Wookie with alopecia areata who blew his nose with tissue while in the shower. And it was obvious that the bottle of stuff was powerless to dissolve hair. Not only couldn't it dissove hair, but it couldn't dissolve tissue! How hard can that be? Anyway, after a couple more pulls, I had enough hair in the wastebasket to build a scale-model sasquatch, and the drain was flowing freely.

If you are a tree-hugger and have tried other tree-hugging solutions to a clogged drain, like vinegar and baking soda which makes a neato fizzy volcano effect (remember your grade-school science projects) but does pretty much nothing else, take heart. Try that ZIP-IT thing.